Let’s face it, most of the time spotting a loser is cake. Sometimes though, one of these little life failures will manage to weasel his way into your world and root himself there like some kind of parasitic douche tick. So if you recognize any or all of the following characteristics in your man, grab a match and light the bloodsucker on fire. Well, not literally.
He doesn’t have a job.
I’m not talking about the guys out there who have been laid off due to the economy or who are working minimum wage jobs while actively seeking employment that corresponds to their level of education/training. I’m talking about the idiots that spent four years of time and tuition at an accredited university and then decided to sit back playing video games while leeching off the nearest source of income.
He’s over the age of 30 and still lives with his parents.
I get that people are living at home longer, times are tough, blah blah blah. But at 30 years old, he should at least have some friends that are willing to split rent with his man-child ass. There’s nothing sexy about bringing a girl home to a twin bed and a shared wall with the ‘rents.
He has a drug habit.
True fact: Nothing turns a woman off faster than watching a man do a line of coke off of a stripper’s ass. Now crochet that advice onto a throw pillow and give it to your twitchy boyfriend for Valentine’s Day.
He refuses to take you out in public.
This is a surefire sign of a man with a girlfriend, wife, or both. So unless you’re particularly fond of pissed off women armed with baseball bats and an eye for vengeance standing in your driveway, I’d steer clear.
He doesn’t own a book.
Playboy doesn’t count. Even if he’s reading the articles. Which he’s not.
He chews with his mouth open.
This is akin to kicking puppies in my book. If he makes obnoxious smacking noises and spits food all over you from 3 feet away, you should never, ever let him near your girl parts.
He never pays for anything.
I don’t mind paying for dates occasionally. Really, I don’t. But a guy certainly shouldn’t be bitching about spending $8.50 on a movie ticket once a month, particularly when he doesn’t seem to have any problem spending plenty of hard earned cash on a night out with his friends.
He has a garage full of shovels, zip ties, and duct tape.
You should probably run. Quickly. And, you know, maybe call the cops or something.
Image courtesy of: Happy Bunny